Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize