I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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