i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize