i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just gargled with NyQuil
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
