I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
