I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
