I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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