I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
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