P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
