So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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