My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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