I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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