you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
