And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
