Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
