That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
