why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
