My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
