No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
