You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
