so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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