Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
