Whats the glycemic index on semen?
it's like iHOP with fire
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
