Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
