who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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