# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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