I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
