You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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