Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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