Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
