I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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