Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
