I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
