she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
