maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
