I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
