my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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