just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
