just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You pole danced in your parka.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
