I wanna passion pit in your ass
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
