if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize