Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
