I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
