I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Randomize
