I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
