and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
We need a shit load of segways right now
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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