I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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