You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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