We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
