Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
