Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize