She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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