I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
