I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
