I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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