Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Sober January is a disaster.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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