she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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