apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
