u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
