no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
