Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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