just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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