I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
