I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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