Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize