I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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