but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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