I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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