He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize