My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
