Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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