Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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