I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
