I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
