i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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