Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
