I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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