well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So vagazzling was a success
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
