I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
