oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Boobs are out for the taking
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
