we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
