I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
drinking out of a sandbucket again
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
