As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize