Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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