spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize