she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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