I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
