I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
