hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
she peed on how many people?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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