she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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