Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
