i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
