Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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