I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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