is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
