Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
me + whiskey = a bad person
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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