So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
