people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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