My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
