I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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