If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You did what with his pubic hair?
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