i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
