we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
