Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize